Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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