4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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