My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
