she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
