There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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