I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
