Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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