Quick, to the slutcave!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
