Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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