This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
