As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
