just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
