the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found your dick twin last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
