Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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