I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
