"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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