i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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