You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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