I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.