12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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