and you said cock pushups were impossible
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
