i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
