You're so nebulous sometimes
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
