I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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