My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
