I'm going to jail i love you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
