problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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