you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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