ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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