Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
