i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A+ Viking dick
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