I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
