I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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