So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
