But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
