Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize