So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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