So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
