Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
