I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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