So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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