We won't sleep together?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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