last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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