You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
