sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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