my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
