yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
