Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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