Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
