Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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