Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
