YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize