I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
