I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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