I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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