giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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