There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
