he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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