It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
