we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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