It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
