he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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