Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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