Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
