No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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