Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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