Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
