She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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