i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
