kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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