I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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