were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
