dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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