I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
