you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
