the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
