Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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